


all I have (is you)

by hoseokmin



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Orphans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 14:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9611066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoseokmin/pseuds/hoseokmin
Summary: hoseok and hyungwon have always been together, since they were children and forced to live in a world without parents.(or, alternatively, when orphaned hoseok turns 18 and adopts his orphaned best friend)





	

**Author's Note:**

> notes;  
> -I have no idea how the adoption process works, so please come at this with an open mind.  
> -set somewhere in america, since I know the setting a lot better than anywhere else  
> -it's a lot of fluff, you were warned

“Happy birthday, Hyungwon.”

Hoseok smiled merrily, biting his lip as his best friend walked through the threshold of their new home. It wasn't much, it was actually just one bedroom, a small bathroom, and a kitchen that melted into the living room. It wasn't much but it was better than what they had.

They had grew up together. Hoseok had been in the orphanage all his life, since he was three years old. He had faint memories of his mother’s laugh and the way her hair smelled like coconut and roses. His father always had rough hands, but a loving and warm embrace. That's all he could remember, and once they died, he was sent to live in the orphanage for the rest of his childhood.

Hyungwon didn't join him until he was eight. Hoseok himself had grew up to be a jokester, trying to make everyone laugh and protecting the smaller ones from the bullies. Hyungwon was six, small and thin and scared shitless. He remembered seeing him for the first time and having this instant need to protect him.

Hyungwon was quiet, shy. He would trail behind Hoseok but never spoke, a look of sadness and disappointment always on his face. He didn't speak to him until two months after their meeting when Hoseok awoke to him sobbing quietly in his cot, his legs pulled up to his chest and his head buried in his knobby knees. The older boy hesitate before climbing into his cot and wrapping his arms around him. The smaller looked at him in surprise, his eyes red and swollen. Hoseok saw the heartbreak in his eyes, and knew exactly what he felt because he had felt it too.

Hyungwon nuzzled his head in Hoseok’s neck as the elder started to talk to him in hushed whispers. “You feel alone too, don't you? I know how you feel…” the elder stroked the younger’s back. “Our family is gone… but we can have each other, right? We can be best friends. We won't abandon each other. I won't abandon you, Hyungwon.”

“Really?” The younger’s voice came, muffled in Hoseok’s neck. It was the first time he had heard his voice.

“Really. I promise. Do you?”

Hyungwon nodded. “I promise.”

They fell asleep that night, their small, scrawny limbs holding one another tightly. After that day, Hyungwon smiled more. He befriended others but always came back to Hoseok. They were each other's rock, and they grew up without fear because they knew they had one another.

Hoseok turned eighteen in March, and was promptly sent to live on the streets. Hyungwon had just turned sixteen, he still had two years to go. Hoseok knew what true fear was then, when he held his small bag of clothes he owned in front of Hyungwon, bidding him goodbye.

“I'll come back for you, Hyungwon. I promise,” he had said, both of their eyes red with tears. He couldn't protect his turtle outside these walls, he couldn't make sure he was warm and fed and happy and that terrified him more than not having a bed to sleep in for the night.

Hyungwon wrapped his thin arms around Hoseok, resting his chin on his shoulder. The years had made him taller, thinner. Hoseok sometimes felt like the younger one while standing next to him. “I believe you,” he said softly. “Visit me, okay? Please? Promise?”

“Everyday I can. I'll write to you, too.”

Hoseok kept his promise, too. He visited him every Saturday and wrote to him every Wednesday. Every week he brought news of progress. The first week, he said he found a shelter to live in. The second, a job. Finally, on his fifth visit, he finally had enough money to rent an apartment.

“I picked papers up to adopt you,” Hoseok said with a brilliant, excited smile. “I finally have a home and I'm doing well enough to provide for us both. They seemed to be in high hopes, Hyungwon.”

Hyungwon smiled back, patting Hoseok’s hand. The younger boy had always been more pessimistic than him. Why would they allow an eighteen year old to adopt a sixteen year old?

Somehow, though, they _did_ allow it. Except now Hyungwon was seventeen, living almost a year without Hoseok by his side and yet here he was, standing in the middle of the living room to his, no _their_ , apartment.

“Happy birthday, Hyungwon,” Hoseok repeated, sitting Hyungwon’s things on the ground and walking to the kitchen. The older flipped on the light, revealing two small birthday cupcakes in neat looking wrapping. “It's not much but--”

“It's perfect,” Hyungwon beamed, wiping the happy tears from his eyes and hugging the older tightly. “So perfect, Hoseok.”

Hoseok blushed and gave Hyungwon one of the cupcakes. “My friend from the bakery made these for us. You'll like him, I think. He's a little younger than me but he's got himself a bakery! Isn't that cool?”

Hyungwon smiled and unwrapped the clear plastic, gently taking the cupcake out of it. “Pink?” He laughed, referring to the pink icing with pink sprinkles. Hoseok laughed, slightly embarrassed.

“He likes pink,” Hoseok said, scratching the back of his neck nervously. “Oh! Here,” he grabbed a candle off of the table and stuck it in the cupcake, lighting it excitedly. “Make a wish.”

Hyungwon didn't really bother, he already had all he needed. To appease the older, though, he closed his eyes, made a silly little wish, and blew the candle out. “Thank you, Hoseok,” he said, breaking off a piece and eating it.

“For what? It's your birthday!”

Hyungwon smiled. “No, for adopting me. I mean, you didn't have to. I had just a year left.”

Hoseok smiled warmly, rubbing Hyungwon’s arm. “No, I did have to. I promised to always be there for you, remember?” He paused. “And I don't know if you've noticed, but you're all I have. So I was kind of selfish.”

Hyungwon laughed at that, leaning against Hoseok as he ate his cupcake and Hoseok ate the other. “So where do I sleep?”

“Uhm. About that,” Hoseok said, throwing away the trash as his ears slowly started to get red. “This place only has one room, and it's really small, so I figured I'd give you the bedroom and I can sleep on the couch.”

Hyungwon looked at him. “No way.”

“I mean, you're enrolling in high school tomorrow and you need sleep,” Hoseok said.

“And you're working and you need sleep, Hoseok. How about we compromise?”

“What do you mean?” Hoseok asked, looking at him quizzically.

“I mean, can't we both sleep in the bedroom? It wouldn't be weird, we've slept in the same cot for.. forever.”

Hoseok sighed. “I suppose you're right,” he answered. “I figured you'd want your own space, is all.”

Hyungwon laughed and took Hoseok by the hand. “I haven't had my own space since I was six years old, Hoseok. At least I get to share it with just you now.”

Hoseok beamed. “Wouldn't have it any other way.”

“Me either. Come on, show me to our new room. We have to get to sleep so you can register me for classes, _dad_.”

Hoseok laughed, wrinkling his nose. “Don't call me that.”

“Would you prefer daddy, then?”

Hoseok straightened, blinking at him confusingly. “No. I prefer Hoseok.”

Hyungwon laughed. Soon his measly amount of clothes were tucked in dresser drawers beside Hoseok’s, his clothes carefully picked out for their day out laying atop of it. Afterward the both of them were freshly showered and lying in bed, hands on top of the blankets as their fingers danced together.

“Hoseok?” Hyungwon murmured, his eyes becoming heavy with sleep.

“Hm?”

“I'll get a job too.”

“No, no, its fine,” Hoseok said gently, turning his body to face the younger. “Focus on your schooling, okay? I want you to go to college.”

“But I won't be able to afford it,” Hyungwon sighed, facing Hoseok.

Hoseok smiled, brushing Hyungwon’s stringy black hair away from his eyes. It was still damp from the shower. “With your good grades, you'll get a scholarship anywhere.”

Hyungwon smiled sleepily. “Orphanage schooling doesn't count.”

Hoseok chuckled. “Maybe not, but you have a year and a half to prove yourself. I'll have a college graduate on my hands before I know it.”

Hyungwon laughed and snuggled his long body into Hoseok’s warmth. “I missed you,” he murmured.

“I missed you too, sleepy turtle. Go to sleep, we have a long day ahead of ourselves tomorrow,” Hoseok murmured, stroking Hyungwon’s hair and pulling him closer. He pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“Mm, night Wonho,” Hyungwon murmured, smiling at the gentle nickname he had given him when they were little. He nuzzled his face closer to Hoseok’s neck, breathing his scent of aftershave and lilacs and… warmth.

“Night Turtle.”

___

After the hectic first day, things started into a routine. Hoseok would wake first, gently wake Hyungwon and he would take a shower. Hyungwon would wake up, grumpy, but would wash his face and brush his teeth while he waited for Hoseok to get out of the shower. Hoseok would get out, Hyungwon would replace him, and the older would get ready and fix breakfast. By the time Hyungwon had finished with his shower and put his clothes on, Hoseok had a hot breakfast waiting for them.

They'd eat breakfast, sometimes Hyungwon would finish his homework and sometimes he'd talk to Hoseok about their plans for the day. Hoseok would drive him to school and drop him off on his way to work.

Hyungwon was happy. That was something he was rarely able to say about his life up until now. School at first was hard, it took him a while to get adjusted but he was soon acing his classes and impressing all the teachers. His first week was the toughest, with the added pressure of school work he was also getting bullied. Once students figured out he was adopted, or an orphan, they started using that as a way to bully him.

Hyungwon usually ignored them, but a small quiet boy that sat behind him defended him and almost got into a fight. Hyungwon gained a friend then, who's name he learned was Changkyun. They were inseparable ever since.

Hoseok worked long hours at the bakery and sometimes would get home late in the evening. By that time Hyungwon was passed out on the couch, all of his homework done. Since they had no cable or internet, there wasn't much else to do besides sleep. The older male would wrap his arms around the taller, carrying him into their shared bedroom and cuddle with him.

Hyungwon didn't mind, Hoseok smelled like cakes and coffee. He would just smile into the older’s chest and fall back asleep.

Life wasn't perfect, but to the two boys, it was everything.

____

“Hyungwon!”

The sharp sound knocked the tall boy out of his daydream, causing his hand to slip from his chin. “Hoseok! Don't scare me like that!!”

Hoseok just grinned at him and sat beside him on the floor, sitting the plastic bag he was carrying atop the younger’s opened notepad and textbook. “I have a couple surprises,” he smiled

Hyungwon looked at him warily, his eyes looking over the older’s perfect face to detect any sort of problem. The older smiled his brilliant smile and took out a blue and white cake, sitting it on the table. “First surprise, a cake for my birthday tomorrow. Kihyun made it for me.” he grinned.

Hyungwon wrinkled his nose at the mention of Hoseok’s boss. The older had been talking way too much about the young entrepreneur for his own liking. It totally _wasn't_ envy, though, never. Hyungwon definitely _wasn't_ jealous at how Hoseok’s literal existence bloomed when he started to talk about his boss.

“Second surprise,” Hoseok fiddled in the pocket of his leather jacket and brought out a white envelope, “I get paid enough to afford cheap cable.” Hyungwon’s eyes went wide and he grinned.

“Really?”

Hoseok nodded and they both cheered, something so trivial bringing happiness to their lives. Hyungwon wrapped his arms around Hoseok in a tight hug and Hoseok recuperated.

They stayed like that in silence, Hyungwon nuzzled in Hoseok’s neck as he listened to his soft breathing. “Is there any more surprises?”

Hoseok took in a sharp breath before he answered, hesitating. “I have a date.”

____

Hyungwon didn't think of himself as a person to fall so hard for someone. He didn't know when he managed to feel something more than brotherly love toward Hoseok, it was just _there_ one day, full and ready as if it was the only feeling he had ever felt.

The younger felt himself staring at Hoseok more often, staring at his pink lips and his beautiful brown eyes and perfect smile. He knew, once he realized he was staring, that he was totally and deeply in love with the older.

He should have seen Hoseok’s date coming. He should've been prepared, for he knew there would be a day that Hoseok would want companionship and love and it wouldn't be Hyungwon and Hoseok anymore, but Hyungwon and Hoseok and whoever was the luckiest person in the world. Hyungwon knew his love for the older male was in vain; Hoseok would never feel the same way about him. He was forever stuck in the brother slot, nothing more, nothing less.

Nevertheless, he took the hit hard. He had stiffened in Hoseok’s hold, his breath stopping, his mind short circuiting. His stomach felt as if it was freefalling ten thousand feet.

“Hyungwon?” Hoseok had said. “You okay?”

Hyungwon had replied with a grunt and a nod, trying to suppress the tears threatening to fall. “Congrats,” he managed to mutter out against Hoseok’s neck, staying there for a few more minutes before excusing himself to go to the shower.

Hoseok had found the younger curled up in their blankets thirty minutes later, his face hidden in Hoseok’s oversized hoodie he had stolen. “I don't have to go if you don't feel comfortable with it, Hyungwon,” he had said, his voice gentle as he wrapped his arms around the taller.

Hyungwon hid his face in Hoseok’s neck, thinking about it. He wasn't a selfish person, even though sometimes he acted like it. Hoseok seemed happy, he shouldn't force him to stay home and hang out with a teenager if he didn't want to.

Hyungwon sighed, his heart breaking. “No, you should go,” he said, his voice wavering. “I'll just. Hang out with Changkyun, or something. You deserve it…”

Hoseok rubbed circles on his back, contemplating. “You sure?”

Hyungwon did nothing but nod, knowing if he spoke again he would betray himself and start sobbing. _Why can't you date me, you idiot,_ I _love you not this other person_

Hoseok sighed quietly and pressed a kiss on Hyungwon’s hooded head. “Okay,” he whispered, holding him close.

Hyungwon didn't get much sleep that night.

___

“How are you passing all of your classes if you're sleeping in them?”

Hyungwon looked up from his desk, wiping the drool on his mouth and blinking. Changkyun sat in the desk beside him, smiling playfully. “I need to get my beauty sleep in somehow.”

Changkyun laughed. “You need more.”

Hyungwon stuck his middle finger up at the younger boy. “Fuck you,” he muttered and they laughed.

“Seriously, Won, what's up?”

Hyungwon sighed. “Can I hang out with you tonight?”

Changkyun blinked confusingly. “Huh? Ah, sure, I was going to play basketball with Jooheon but you can come too.”

Hyungwon sighed. “I just don't want to be alone, is all.”

Changkyun furrowed his brows in thought and turned toward the front as the lesson started.

___

“Jooheon just texted me,” Changkyun had said as they walked toward the front doors of the school after they were released. “He's grounded. Apparently he failed a math test. So it's just us today.”

Hyungwon smiled and nodded. “Can we go to your house then?”

“Sure.”

Silence engulfed the two as they walked toward Changkyun’s home. It wasn't unlike the two boys to be lost in silence; they were naturally quiet so it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Once they arrived in Changkyun’s relatively huge house (huge to Hyungwon- he was used to small spaces), they immediately climbed up the stairs and into Changkyun’s room.

“So what's up?” the younger boy asked, leaning back against his computer chair as Hyungwon flopped on the bed.

“Can't I hang out with my best friend?”

Changkyun smiled. “Sure, but something's off with you.”

Hyungwon sighed. “Hoseok has a date tonight.”

The younger blinked. “Huh? Date? Is that… good?”

Hyungwon shook his head, then nodded. “No. Yes? Good for him, not for me.”

Silence engulfed them again as Changkyun tried to come up with the right words. “You love him, don't you? As a… lover?”

Hyungwon buried his face in Changkyun’s pillow. “Yes, I fucking love him and his stupid lopsided smile and the way his nose scrunches when he's happy and how he literally smells like sunshine and how his arms feel so good wrapped around me and _fuck_ his lips must feel so good--”

“Okay, okay, I get it. You love him,” Changkyun said, his voice amused. Hyungwon felt his cheeks heat up. “Why don't you tell him?”

Hyungwon sighed and turned on his back, staring at the ceiling. “Wouldn't that be weird? He only thinks of me as his stupid brother, Changkyun. A child. I'll never be able to cross that line.”

“I mean… he must feel something more toward you, in the slightest bit,” Changkyun said slowly. “I've never known brothers to cuddle, much less in bed.”

Hyungwon waved his hand. “We've always done that. Even as kids, most of the time I couldn't fall asleep unless he was beside me. And you know how much I love sleep.”

Changkyun chuckled and fell quiet. “Who's he dating tonight?”

Hyungwon huffed. “I didn't get a name. I was too upset to even ask. I mean why would he want to spend his birthday with a complete stranger instead of _me_? Aren't I supposed to be the most important person in his life?” He whined childishly. “It's probably that owner of the bakery he works at. Kihyun. Or Minhyuk, he talks about a Minhyuk too. Hell, it may be that Juyeon girl. I don't know.”

“Yoo Kihyun?”

Hyungwon nodded.

“It isn't him, trust me. I know for a fact he's dating someone.”

“And the others?” Hyungwon didn't even ask how he knew.

“Well, my money is on the Minhyuk dude, since Juyeon is our age and definitely _not_ into Hoseok.”

“How do you even know?!”

“I caught her sucking face with the Chinese exchange student.”

Hyungwon sat up, his eyes wide. “No way. Xiao?”

Changkyun grinned and nodded. “Yep.”

Hyungwon laughed and fell back against the covers. “I'm going to find this Minhyuk and personally take him out.”

“To eat?”

Hyungwon glared at the younger. “You know what I mean,” he groaned.

“Let's just hope the date went awful.”

___

It didn't. When Hyungwon got home that night, he immediately saw Hoseok leaning on the couch with a blissed-out look on his face. The taller threw his bookbag on the ground and took off his shoes, trying to ignore Hoseok’s idiotic, lopsided grin.

“I think I found the one, Wonnie,” Hoseok said. The younger’s heart fell and he felt his stomach drop three thousand more feet.

“Oh?” he managed to say, sitting opposite of Hoseok on the other end of the couch, tucking his long legs underneath him.

“He's so perfect, Won. So perfect. I can't.. wow. His lips are amazing.”

Hyungwon pressed his lips into a line, trying not to let his emotions show. They kissed, whoever this bastard was stole Hoseok’s first kiss that was supposed to be his.

“I'm glad you had fun, Seoki,” Hyungwon murmured. The older looked at him, crawling close until both hands were on either side of him and his face was close to his own. Hyungwon held his breath, avoiding looking at anything besides Hoseok’s face.

“You're disappointed,” the older said in a murmur. His breath smelled like mint with a slight hint of alcohol.

“No, Seoki, I'm happy for you.” It didn't even sound like himself.

“Are you afraid I'll forget you?” Hoseok asked, his hair flopping in front of his eyes. Hyungwon didn't answer. “I could never forget you, Wonnie.”

Hyungwon didn't answer again. He made the mistake of glancing into Hoseok’s brown eyes, becoming stuck as the other peered into his as well. Hyungwon wrapped his arms around the older’s back, splaying his arms across his muscles. The younger felt himself getting closer, their lips almost touching, feeling Hoseok’s hot breath against his face. Blushing, he opted to bury his face into the older’s neck, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart.

Hoseok pulled the younger into his lap and held him, unknowing of how Hyungwon truly felt. “I promise,” he whispered, stroking the other’s hair. “I promise, no one will come before you. It's always been you and me, right?” Hoseok paused. Hyungwon felt the other’s hand rub circles on his back. “No one could ever become more important than you, Wonnie.”

_Then why can't you love me?_

“No matter if I think Hyunwoo is perfect.” _Hyunwoo? So it wasn't Minhyuk._ “No one can be as perfect as you.”

Hyungwon’s breath caught in his throat, trying to will the lump in his throat away. “I'm so selfish,” he muttered.

Hoseok held him closer. “No you're not.”

Hyungwon let out a shaky breath, not believing the older’s words. “Sorry, Seoki.”

“Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Hoseok pressed an innocent kiss on Hyungwon’s temple. The younger leaned into his lips, fighting back the urge to turn his face and just kiss the elder. _That_ would've been selfish. “Just be happy, Seoki.”

Hoseok held him tighter. “I'm happy with you, Hyungwon.”

Hyungwon shook his head. “No you're not. It's okay, just be happy. No matter what it means.”

They both turned quiet, Hyungwon pressing his face into Hoseok’s neck and Hoseok holding onto him as if he was going to float away. The younger went limp in Hoseok’s arms after a while, falling asleep in the older’s warmth. Hoseok managed to carry him to the bed and they both cuddled tiredly against each other.

Hoseok wasn't sure if he was ready to share his life with anyone else, now that he thought about it. As he fell to sleep that night, unsure of what he wanted and why he felt so guilty about dating in the first place, he was comforted by the long, lanky boy in his arms. Hyungwon’s soft breathing lulled him to a fitful, worrisome sleep. Things had to straighten out sometime.

___

Hoseok’s boyfriend didn't last too long. Hyunwoo was a good guy-- strong, sweet, charming, but Hoseok knew it wasn't meant to be. Specifically, he knew the moment Hyungwon came home while he and Hyunwoo were making out on the couch. The younger’s face had turned into utter disappointment and Hoseok could almost hear the other’s heart breaking from the door frame.

The look on Hyungwon’s face had hardened and he bit down on his plump bottom lip. “Sorry,” he had muttered, rushing into their shared bedroom and slamming the door.

Hoseok bid Hyunwoo goodnight a few moments later and slept on the couch that night. The next day, he broke up with the older man, citing that he needed more time to get his and Hyungwon’s life together before he committed to anything. Hyunwoo understood.

Hyungwon had came home that night to a dark apartment, which was odd, because Hoseok should've gotten off work hours before. The taller cautiously made his way to their small bedroom after he sat his bookbag and jacket on the sofa.

“Hoseok?” the younger called, opening the door and seeing the older male underneath the blankets, his entire body covered. Hyungwon frowned, crawling underneath them and overtop the older, stopping when he made it to his head.

Hoseok’s pale cheeks were wet with tear tracks, his eyes looking blankly from the side. Hyungwon turned the older around to face him, sitting on his thighs and wiping his cheeks. “What's wrong?” he asked softly.

Hoseok looked at him, letting a shaky breath. Tears leaked out of his eyes and the younger male bent down to hug him tightly. “Seoki, what's wrong? Please tell me.”

The elder buried his face in Hyungwon’s neck. “I'm just so a-awful,” he muttered.

“Awful? How are you awful?”

Hoseok didn't answer, he just snaked his arms around Hyungwon’s body and held him close. The younger relaxed in his arms, stroking his hair gently.

Truth was, Hoseok realized a few things. The first one being that he loved so much, almost too much. He hadn't wanted to hurt Hyunwoo, he didn't want to think he strung the other along and he was truly attracted to him, but it wasn't the right time.

The last realization hit him like a bus. And it was all Hyunwoo’s fault.

Before bidding goodbye, Hyunwoo had hugged him tightly. “Take care of him, okay? I've known all along.”

Hoseok had looked at him confusingly. “Take care of who? What do you mean?”

“The other guy you take care of. Hyungwon? You love him.”

Hoseok blinked, still not getting it. “Of course I do, I've known him since I was eight.”

Hyunwoo chuckled, his eyes turning to half moons. He placed his hands on either side of Hoseok’s cheeks. “You love him, and that's okay, because he loves you too. I'll see you around, Hoseok,” Hyunwoo pressed a kiss on his forehead before leaving.

The other male stood there for what seemed like an eternity, but was really only a few minutes, before realization dawned on him.

He loved Hyungwon. Really, truly _I want to spend the rest of my life with you_ love.

Hoseok felt the breath get knocked out of him, the realization hitting him in the stomach like someone had punched him. He turned and started stumbling home, his eyes blurry and wet.

He loved Hyungwon. He _needed_ Hyungwon. Yet, he couldn't have him. It was wrong, so damn wrong. Hyungwon was a teenager, basically his little brother, and he loved him more than… more than anything. It terrified him at how much he loved the younger, his heart hurt and his mind was foggy.

That's how he found himself in bed, curled under the dark blankets, and soon Hyungwon laid on top of him. It didn't make him feel any better, having the younger stroke his hair and hold him close. His heart beat erratically out of his chest, he felt lightheaded.

“Seoki?”

“I broke up with Hyunwoo.”

Hyungwon looked down at him, his eyes filling with sad tears. The younger never cried, not since they were children. “Why did you do that, Hoseok?”

Hoseok looked up at the younger, his own eyes swimming with tears. “My feelings weren't genuine.”

Hyungwon blinked, confused. “What?”

“I don't want to talk about it. I shouldn't feel this way. It's so wrong, and what if it fucks everything up? I can't let it fuck everything up, Won. I can't,” he sobbed.

It was Hyungwon’s turn to bury his face in Hoseok’s neck. “It won't,” he whispered. “Whatever you mean, it won't. Listen to your heart. I wish I could listen to mine.”

Hoseok sighed, brushing his hand over Hyungwon’s back, flipping them so they were on their side. Hyungwon’s thin leg was still wrapped around the older’s waist, and the older still had his arm around the younger’s. Hyungwon snuggled closer into the older’s body and relaxed, his fingers running up and down Hoseok’s side.

Things quietened down for a while, Hyungwon still stroking Hoseok’s side while Hoseok stroked the other’s back.

Hyungwon had just about fell asleep when he mumbled softly. “Seoki,” he murmured, “it's gonna… it's gonna be okay.”

Hoseok was barely awake as well. “Hm?”

“We have each other and…” Hyungwon paused, almost losing his train of thought, “it might not… be how I want but… I'm glad I still have you, Seoki.”

Hoseok hummed in response, the words not processing in his mind.

“Seoki?”

“Yea?”

“I love you…”

“I love you, too, Wonnie.”

____

After school ended for that year, the weather changed drastically. The temperature sky rocketed to triple digits and, unfortunately for Hoseok and Hyungwon, the apartment’s air conditioner broke within days. Hyungwon begged Hoseok to go to work with him to escape the hot heat and eventually the elder gave in.

“Kihyun will love you anyways, and Minhyuk will adore you,” Hoseok had smiled as Hyungwon put on his shorts and thin t-shirt.

Days at the bakery was fun, Hyungwon had to admit. At first he sat in the corner, reading a book, until Kihyun, the owner, or Minhyuk, another worker, would give him an iced coffee and chat with him. Soon Kihyun had offered to teach him how to bake and Minhyuk taught him how to make the perfect coffee and he fit right in.

“I'll start paying you if you really want to work, Hyungwon,” Kihyun said during mid-June, a month since Hyungwon started to hang out with them in he bakery. “Your shifts won't be as long as Hoseok’s of course, but you'll get as much free iced coffee as you want, plus pay.”

Hyungwon immediately agreed, despite Hoseok telling him no. Hoseok wasn't happy, but Hyungwon was happy he had a valid excuse to hang out with Hoseok and his friends, who he ended up liking a lot.

Hyungwon was happy he could finally contribute and thank Hoseok for all he has done for him.

___

One day after his shift ended and he was quietly sipping on iced coffee and reading a book in the corner, he heard a commotion come in and immediately knew who it was.

“Hyungwon!” screamed a bright red-haired dimpled man. Jooheon. “I haven't seen you in _ages_!”

The black haired male beside him laughed. Changkyun. “Heon, it's literally been a month.”

“Seems like ages,” Jooheon shrugged. Hyungwon laughed and ran to them, wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders. “What are you doing here, bro?”

Hyungwon smiled. “I work here. And so does Hoseok, and I'm waiting for him to get off.”

Jooheon raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Oh. _Hoseok_. I need to see this hunk.”

Hyungwon punched Jooheon in the stomach as both he and Changkyun burst into laughter.

“Hyungwon! Don't do that to our guests!” Kihyun nagged, appearing behind the counter. “Oh. It's just Jooheon. Why is your face red?”

Hyungwon physically felt his face get even redder. “Jooheon is just being a jerk is all.”

“Figures. He always is.”

“Hey!”

Kihyun grinned. “What can I get you guys?”

The two boys ordered and Hyungwon wrapped his arms around their neck again, talking about how their summer was going while they waited.

“Hey, we were going to play some basketball in the park, do you wanna come? Seungcheol’s boys are supposed to be there too.”

Hyungwon furrowed his brow. “And have a heat stroke? No way.”

“Come on, dude, please,” Changkyun groaned. “We need another guy and we literally only have you. It's a miracle we actually ran into you.”

Hyungwon sighed, walking toward the back. “Let me go ask Hoseok.”

“Lets see him too!”

A few minutes later, Hyungwon pulled a confused looking Hoseok out of the back. The two boys stared at him hard, their mouths open. Hoseok was wearing a sleeveless shirt underneath his work apron, showing off his muscles that had formed recently.

“Oh _hell_ ,” Jooheon muttered.

“Huh?”

“Nothing. I’m Jooheon, you must be Hoseok,” the older boy nodded, “we've heard lots and lots about you and they all must be true because _goddamn_ \--oof!”

Hyungwon punched him in the stomach again. Changkyun laughed loudly.

“Ignore Jooheon, Mr. Shin. I’m Changkyun,” the younger boy bowed respectfully and held out his hand. Hoseok smiled brightly and he shook it.

“Call me Hoseok.”

“Seoki,” Hoseok turned his undivided attention to Hyungwon, “Jooheon and Changkyun invited me to go play basketball with Seungcheol and his friends. Can I go?”

Hoseok smiled. “Sure, why not? Just be back before I get off. We can pick up takeout tonight.”

The other two boys cheered loudly, sloshing their cold drinks as they jumped. “Be careful, Jooheon!” Kihyun yelled from behind the counter. “I'll tell mom! No, I'll tell _Minhyuk_ you're here and you know how much he adores you.”

Jooheon yelped. “But _Kihyun_ ,” he whined.

“Kihyun’s your brother?” Hyungwon asked incredulously.

Jooheon groaned. “Don't remind me, please. It's awful enough as it is.”

“I heard that!” Kihyun’s voice came. “Minhyuk, Jooheon’s here!!”

Jooheon screamed and rushed out the door, Changkyun laughing hysterically at his heels.

“Hyungwon, here,” Hoseok said before Hyungwon had followed the boys out the door. He handed the younger a few bills. “In case you get thirsty or something. Be here at seven, okay?”

Hyungwon smiled and wrapped his arms around Hoseok’s neck. “Will do. Bye Seoki,” he grinned, hopping out the door and toward the other boys.

___

“ _Seoki_?!”

“Shut up, Joo.”

“It's so cute!”

“I call him Wonho, too.”

Jooheon laughs. “What's he call you?”

“Won. Wonnie. Turtle.”

Jooheon almost squeals. “Couple goals.”

“Shut up.”

___

The basketball game ran a little late, and when Hyungwon ran to the bakery afterward Hoseok was nowhere to be found. The taller sighed and ran home, knowing Hoseok would be livid at him.

He came home to a dark apartment, the only thing illuminating it was the blue flickering light of the television. Hoseok was laying against the armrest, his eyes half lidded and unfocused.

He opened them when Hyungwon closed the door. “You're late.”

“I'm sorry, Seoki, the basketball game got intense,” he said, toeing off his shoes and walking carefully to him, crawling on top of him and nestling in between his legs.

“You should be in trouble,” Hoseok said softly, lacing his fingers in the younger's hair as he started to eat the food on the coffee table in front of him. “But you're such a good kid I'll let you off this time. Don't do it again, okay?”

Hyungwon smiled gently and nodded, feeding Hoseok some of the noodles. “I really am sorry.”

“I know, turtle. It's okay.”

Hyungwon smiled and bit his lip, turning to the tv and watching whatever Hoseok was watching before he came in.

Hoseok watched him, examining his beautiful face as he thought. He had waited for Hyungwon outside the bakery for thirty minutes before walking to the court to find him. He hadn't been playing basketball then, but was actually huddled against a tall blonde and laughing happily with him. Hoseok’s heart fractured at that time, realizing Hyungwon should be young and being in love with him was absolutely stupid. Why would he hold down such a beautiful soul, why'd he even think about getting with him when the younger should be experiencing the things he didn't get to?

Hoseok sighed deeply and Hyungwon looked at him, sitting his food down and slinking atop him once more, running his long fingers through the older's dark locks. “Stop thinking so much,” he whispered, rubbing his thumb against the middle of Hoseok’s brow. “You're looking older than you really are.”

Hoseok chuckled. “You think so?”

Hyungwon nodded, smiling gently. “You always forget I'm just two years younger than you.”

Hoseok hummed. “I guess I do, huh?”

Hyungwon nodded. “I've been thinking,” he said, playing with the older’s hair, “you should go to college too.”

Hoseok looked at him, confused. “I mean-- I'll be going to college too, right? You should try it. Maybe go to the community college, figure out what you want to do.”

“I want to be with you.”

Hyungwon blushed, not getting the hidden meaning. “I mean, you can, but we both know you're not truly happy at the bakery. Kihyun is great and he's a good boss but we both know you want something more.”

“What do you suppose I want, then?”

Hyungwon thought, licking his plump lips. “You'd be a great nurse. Or teacher.”

Hoseok grinned. “I'll think about it.”

Hyungwon smiled and looked down at Hoseok, playing with his ear as the older rubbed circles on his back with his thumb. It was easy to get lost in Hoseok’s eyes, he figured that out a long time ago. They were gorgeous orbs, filled with love and admiration and hope, but also insecurity and fear. Hoseok was beautiful, inside and out.

Their lips pressed gently together before he knew it, making his heart stop. His eyes snapped shut, feeling Hoseok’s hands slide in his hair and his tongue slide in his mouth with ease.

They were both inexperienced, both learning as they went, but that didn't make Hyungwon’s heart slow down. He was sure Hoseok could feel his heart slamming in his chest.

Their kiss turned more heated, Hoseok’s hand pressed more into his hair, refusing to let him move. Hyungwon’s hand gripped the older’s shirt, letting out a whimper as he moved his hips gently against the other.

Hoseok snapped out of it, letting Hyungwon pull away and gently pushing him off onto the other side of the couch. “ _Holy shit_. I'm so sorry, Won, I shouldn't have kissed back, this is so _wrong_ \--”

Hyungwon yelped, covering his swollen mouth and tearing up. “W-wrong?” he muttered, his heart breaking. He knew Hoseok didn't like him like that, he knew for sure now, but how was it _wrong_? “I'm s-sorry,” he cried out as he ran to their shared bedroom and closed the door.

“Fuck,” Hoseok muttered.

__

Hyungwon was avoiding him. When Hoseok woke up on the couch the next day, Hyungwon had already left. Hoseok sighed, thinking he could talk to him properly at work, and got ready to leave.

The younger was already there, clinging to Kihyun and helping him bake the pastries for the day. Hoseok tried to speak to him in vain-- Hyungwon ignored him and left after his shift was over.

Hoseok seen Changkyun outside, so he knew he wasn't running away or getting into trouble. At least the other boys would take care of him, he could talk to him after work.

Yet, when he arrived home, he found the bedroom door locked and a pair of fresh clothes sitting in front of it. He knocked gently on it, frowning. “Hyungwon?” He heard shuffling but nothing more. “Hyungwon, please, we need to talk.”

Nothing. Hoseok eventually gave up and went to shower.

It went like this for an entire week, and it drove Hoseok crazy. He found himself crying by himself on the couch more often than not, distraught and just missing the younger like hell. The only time he saw him was at work, when they'd catch each other's eyes, but Hyungwon would look away quickly.

“You really need to talk to him, Seok,” Kihyun said as they were locking up one evening.

“No, really, you do,” Minhyuk said softly, placing his hand on Hoseok’s shoulder. “He's hurting. Badly. But not in ways you think, just force him to sit down and talk to him.”

Hoseok thought about it. He thought about it so much he hadn't slept at all that night. He laid on the couch, curled in on himself as his unfocused eyes stared into the darkness.

He heard quiet shuffling in the morning, the apartment illuminated by the rising sun. He turned his tired, watery eyes to look at the towering figure that had appeared beside him, covering his body with a blanket.

“Hyungwon?” he whispered, the boy freezing as his fingers brushed down Hoseok’s side. Somehow he didn't realize he was awake. Despite their fight, Hyungwon was making sure he was taken care of. Hoseok’s eyes watered at the thought.

Hyungwon turned to leave, sliding his shoes on at the door. “Hyungwon! Please, can we talk?” Hyungwon kept going, opening the door. Hoseok grabbed his wrist, pulling him back.

The younger looked at him, his eyes narrowing. Hoseok moved to shut the door and slid his hands on Hyungwon’s cheeks. “Please. I can't… I can't survive if we aren't talking. I miss you,” he murmured, his voice breaking at the end.

“I miss you too,” Hyungwon whispered, so low the older barely heard it. “But you break my heart every time I see you.”

Hoseok looked at him, confused. “Break your heart?”

Hyungwon didn't look at him, just looked at his chest sadly. “Nothing, it's nothing.”

“It _isn't_ nothing, Turtle,” Hoseok said softly. “I'm sorry I ruined everything, I betrayed your trust… I just… I can't believe I kissed you,” he muttered, dropping his hands to his side and sitting on the sofa. “I ruined it. Our perfect little… relationship because I couldn't control my feelings. I made you do something you didn't want.”

Hyungwon frowned, his chin wobbling and his eyes swimming with tears. “I wanted it,” he murmured. “I wanted it, Hoseok, why would I kiss you back if I didn't want it? You didn't ruin it by kissing me, you ruined it because you said it was _wrong_.”

Hoseok looked up at him, and then Hyungwon could see the struggle in his eyes. “Isn't it wrong? I'm supposed to be your guardian, I'm supposed to be a brother figure to you, and all I think about is how in love with you I am and how I want nothing more to kiss those plump lips of yours until you're breathless.”

Hyungwon looked at him, his eyes wide. Tears slipped from them as he collapsed on top of the older, straddling him and pressing his lips against the shorter. His thin fingers laced in his hair as he ran his tongue against the other’s bottom lip, deepening the kiss hungrily. Hoseok submitted, letting the younger kiss him dumb until they pulled away for air.

“I’m in love with you, you idiot,” Hyungwon whispered, panting as he rested his forehead against the older's. “It's not wrong. It isn't,” he murmured. “I'm just two years younger than you. We've known each other for so long. You're my best friend, Seoki. My best friend who I love so much it hurts.”

Hoseok let out a shaky breath. Hyungwon was the type to rarely let his feelings known. He was a quiet one who kept to himself, and if he said anything he meant it. “Everything will change…”

“Maybe so… you'll be my best friend before my lover,” Hyungwon murmured back. “Besides… isn't it wrong to deny our feelings?”

Hoseok chuckled lightly. “True,” he murmured, his hands sliding around the younger and biting his bottom lip. “If it doesn't work out…”

“It will.”

Hoseok smiled softly, opening his eyes. Hyungwon looked back at him, determination in his own dark orbs. “It will,” Hoseok whispered, pressing his lips gently against the younger’s once more.

 

* * *

 

  
Hyungwon sighed, pressing his bare body against Hoseok’s, kissing down the older’s neck. “Thank you for my graduation present,” he whispered in his ear, laying his exhausted body on the other’s.

Hoseok smiled sleepily, his fingers tracing down the younger’s spine as he laid above him. “Anytime,” he murmured. “Thank you for my acceptance to college present,” he chuckled.

Hyungwon smiled against the older’s neck. “Anytime.”

“Turtle?”

“Hm?” Hyungwon’s lips moved against the older's skin, sucking a soft bruise in the shape of his lips.

“Marry me.”

Hyungwon’s lips stilled. Hoseok’s heart stopped as he waited for the answer. The younger rose up, looking at him incredulously. “Seriously?”

“I've never been any more serious in my life,” Hoseok smiled, biting his lip.

“You think this is the best time to ask?!” Hyungwon laughed, smacking him playfully on the shoulder. “In bed, just after having sex, no ring, no nothing?!”

Hoseok laughed. “I can ask again, later, but I want to ask you now. Please marry me.”

Hyungwon smiled, his gaze softening. “I will,” he whispered, pressing a loving kiss on the older's lips. “I expect a ring though.”

Hoseok smiled, flipping them over so he was on top. “I promise I'll give you a ring,” he murmured before deepening the kiss.

“S-Seoki,” Hyungwon murmured in his mouth, gripping his arm. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/1wonh0) (@1wonh0) im lonely 
> 
> tell me what you think! :)


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